I was so overwhelmingly sad and a little confused this week.
At one point, my sense of direction seemed so off.
I didn’t know where to focus my waning energy.
Should I continue writing my new novel?
Market my last one?
Respond to a speaking engagement?
Or, write the magazine article that’s due soon?
I closed my computer, walked into my bedroom and straight to my husband’s lap.
I rested my head on his chest and fat sad teardrops filled my eyes.
I closed them to keep the tears from falling.
These are hard times.
Tough days are stretching on, without an end in sight.
We are all battling internal and external issues.
I’m confused about which ones are affecting me more — take for example the new quaking in my chest that seems to spike whenever someone mentions the word, Covid.
A friend recently texted me and said her husband, who is a doctor, lost three patients in two days. Three people! That’s three families — a mother, a father, a grandparent, a sibling, a friend is dead. Covid is getting closer.
My husband tried encouraging me, but when he saw that his words weren’t getting through, he just held me close. He rubbed my back and I shifted in his lap. I opened my eyes a few minutes later and saw the light streaming through my bedroom window, my nightstand, and this beautiful art painted by my husband’s hand.
There was a slight movement in my spirit.
I looked closer at my nightstand and saw the little things that help center me.
The books I had read in the past two weeks and the one I’m reading now. The Chicago Manual of Style a friend gifted me because she believes every writer should have one. I looked closer and saw a photo of my husband and me on our wedding day and a clay jar my son made holding a candle with my favorite scent. There is also my medicine and a water bottle.
We are living through some turbulent times friends —
Everything feels massive, emotions feel murky, and we may be having difficulty sorting through how and why we feel so out of sorts, drained, and sad.
The light from my window was an invitation. I got up from my husband’s lap, found a chair, and placed it by the window. It is from this spot that I penned these words to you today.
Find the light.
Move your body.
And if cleaning helps you like it helps me, clean your overhead fans.
Simple steps. Take Care.
Kadine Christie
