Dear White Mom,
You are making parenting difficult for me.
I am a black mother living in a red state.
Mothering black children in a white town.
Black. White. Red.
Colors are not so pretty, after all.
The urge to suppress my anger is making me angry – injustice has a way of boiling one’s blood.
So far, I’ve been the one to experience the bunt of racist ignoramuses. The boutique owner didn’t see me walk in or hear the bell chime, but somehow she greeted the white woman who walked in behind me. At a book club, a white woman referred to the main characters, Mable and Jumpin’ from the book, Where the Crawdads Sing, as ‘THE BLACKS’. I shifted in my seat and my spirit. At a local grocery store, a young cashier took my driver’s license, looked me in the eyes, and placed my card on the conveyor. Am I invisible?
The Blacks and the Invisibles are now my children.
Yesterday, I dropped my smiling children off at a church’s youth night and picked them up, sad and broken-hearted. My social butterfly retreated to the stifling, comfort of the bathroom walls. And when I knocked on the closed -white- door, she opened it with red, swollen eyes.
“It’s hard, Mommy. Not only am I a new kid, but we are also the only black kids. Children walked past us to be with their friends, to be with people who look like them.”
Black. White. Red.
Colors are vibrant vibrations of energy.
How did socially constructed ideas dehumanize people, separate humanity, and destroy our ability to see people beyond the surface?
Don’t tell me about “the help” that is “like family.” Or share photos of your “one black friend” who’d never sat on your sofa. Show me… better yet, show your children how to love by welcoming and loving others who are different in color and diverse in knowledge. Be a point of light.
Here’s to hard, holy work.
Kadine Christie
7 Comments
Kristi
I am so sorry. You have my heart, and as much as it is possible, I want to walk alongside you, and learn and shout for justice and change things.
Kadinechristie
Hi Kristi,
Thank you. Thank you for reading and being willing to walk alongside me and shout for justice. When hubby was in seminary, I audited a class and the professor began by saying, “racism begin in our children’s TOY BOX.” To change this children should learn to play with a diverse array of toys – white, black, hispanic dolls/superheros— I believe the same of friendships. We don’t have to shout. We can simple start by making changes in our friendships. I hope we are able to model this for your three boys and my three kiddos. C
Kadinechristie
Hi Kristi,
Thank you. Thank you for reading and being willing to walk alongside me and shout for justice. When hubby was in seminary, I audited a class and the professor began by saying, “racism begin in our children’s TOY BOX.” To change this children should learn to play with a diverse array of toys – white, black, hispanic dolls/superheroes— I believe the same of friendships. We don’t have to shout. We can simple start by making changes in our friendships. I hope we are able to model this for your three boys and my three kiddos. C
Judith Robb
My anger swells and my heart aches for the invisibility inflicted on you and your children.
Kadinechristie
I once read a poem that stuck me. I don’t remember the words in its entirety but it said something along the line of: “let the children laugh and play, it won’t be long before the world assaults them.” I think this is true for all children, but it is so much more for children who are non-white. ACHING AND BREAKING with hopes of HEALING.
Stacy
Oh so hard to read. My heart hurts. I remember those days… moved from Naples to Fort Myers because of it, I surely didn’t want my daughter being the only dark skin child in class. I feel your pain sis just know… raise them to be who they are authentically and it will all work out in the end… just think… my daughter is the first open same sex partner marriage in the history of my West Indian family. Love you guys
Kadinechristie
You continue to be a source of inspiration as I mother my children. TO know your children have experienced similar struggles and yet they are some of the most amazing young people I know, it brings me some sort of future comfort. My babies will be strong because of it all. I just hate that some people have to be so dam strong, while others walk around with frail limps and get all the luxury the world can offer.